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| 09:42pm 09/12/2004 |
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xanga continues to be updated, and those of you who havent bookmarked it yet, really really need to.
check out the AIM profile, click the link, go and enjoy. |
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| 06:42pm 11/08/2004 |
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xanga updated. click my username, find the link. |
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| 11:47am 21/11/2003 |
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this is some pretty bad chinese food. rice is dry, chicken is...ehh..decent.
if i ordered it at 11 last night and im first eating it at 11am today...is it considered leftovers?
or should i be politically correct and not offend the chicken, and just call it "reheated"?
hmmmm.... |
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| wow...so i havent posted in maybe a year... |
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| 09:24pm 17/11/2003 |
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hmmm...xanga's gettin boring for the time being. ill make one random post in my LJ (and of course plug my xanga in the process: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Josh_Kicks_Things)
college is becoming a lonely place.
im making a ton of new friends, but for the record, i miss everyone from brooklyn like you have nooooo idea. or mebbe u do have an idea. if u have an idea, then i feel bad for ya.
i miss scott.
i miss shari.
i miss geoffrey, who i havent seen since the summer...
hell, i even miss ROSS
i miss midwood.
ok fine, just the college office and deans' office.
i definitely miss home cooking.
im going to bing this thursday to visit like...half of midwood. read: shari and whoever else she lets see me. she may kidnap me for the massage...
im going home next tuesday afternoon, early afternoon if i can weasel my way outve my order n chaos (psychosis) class. gotta talk to my professor and appeal to his human side.
umm...if read this and i dont know it, feel free to comment. and read the xanga, cuz thats where all the josh-ness goes down.
o, and any suggestions for new pics i should post for my xanga, ill take em. im bored. |
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| 02:29pm 14/08/2003 |
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just posting here till i kno xanga is back up again for good...
Alkaline Trio- Take Lots With Alcohol
Hello, what the hell am I doin' here
That's a really nice suit
This is a really comfortable chair
See I don't know if you can help me or not
Cause I don't feel sick, I dont feel sick...
But the pains in my head have almost put me
Underground
I don't really care if I'm healthy or not
Just clean my head up doc
I'll give you anything you want
See I don't know why I don't fall in love
Well maybe I know why and maybe you could make it stop
Then we'll cut it up and bury it and leave it
Underground
And I'll take to wishing and fall under
Sleeping safe and sound
Just give me medicine prescribe me anything
Just knock me out and walk me through the door
I have no desire to see through my own eyes anymore, anymore
Hello what the hell are you doing here
You made a really strange face
This is a really uncomfortable air
I see I'm boring you, maybe I bore myself too
That's why I need help, I'm cleaning blood off dusty shelves
I been cut up in this room so many times it might take days
And those stress cracks in the wood
How nicely they soak up the stains
Just give me medicine prescribe me anything
Just knock me out and walk me through the door
I have no desire to see through my own eyes anymore, anymore
Been telling myself these jokes for so long, well so long
I'm a has been who is heckled on the stage |
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| 11:53pm 13/08/2003 |
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is it possible that wat ive just done has only made me feel WORSE?
quite possible.
indeed. |
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| knowing yourself is knowing nothing at all. |
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| 11:29pm 13/08/2003 |
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its 1130. in the pm. i should be asleep. but im awake. parents are fighting. ross is oblivious. i just wanna get away. i wanna go to albany. now. no i dont, i wanna stay home. i want to stay here with my friends. the summer shouldnt end, because i say so.
it also sucks believing you have no control over your life. (or so we learned in ap psych class). its up for discussion whether we control our *fate* or future or watever u wanna call it. if my fate is to end up like my parents, id sooner take my own life now. they fight constantly and i cant stand it. theyre also doing this separation anxiety thing treating me like im 5 years old.
its hard to describe not feeling in control. i mean cmon, im 18, i graduated high school, and ive got a car to use before i go upstate. wats not to like? being around my family, and mebbe even a few of my friends makes me feel anxious like i know no way to describe.
point 1: i neither drink excessively, nor smoke. yes, to anyone who is reading this, ive gotten a little tipsy before. no big surprise there.
point 2: right now im craving a 40 and a pack of cigarettes. i may just go take one of my dads and light it up in front of his face. im 18 now, and i can do that, quite legally.
point 3: im sure ill get sick if i chug half of the 40. im sure ill start spazzing out on the floor if i try to puff through one cigarette. i have only the strong will of my friends to thank for not lettin me smoke or get high when at times idve killed for something im not addicted to.
[but would u kill for love? thats a different story. love would be nice. love of any kind. i need to be comfortable, not on the edge of my seat all day waiting for the ball to drop...]
is it natural for someone who doesnt drink or smoke to crave these things? u tell me. or better yet, dont. just let the confusion pile up n eventually ill sort it out.
5 minute break...cuz josh is on the verge of tears for once...
is that what you call a getaway?
tell me what you got away with,
cause ive seen more spine in jellyfish
ive seen more guts on 11 yr old kids
have another drink and drive yourself home
i hope theres ice on all the roads
you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield
is that what you call tact?
subtle like a brick in the small of my back.
is that what you call a getaway...?
-brand new
that just happens to be the song im listening to. and it has dawned on me that i own no happy music. even the upbeat songs have sad lyrics.
wow, i need to chill out. i really do. ive gotten to the point where anything and everything is making me jump outa my skin.
shall i list the ways im beginning to hate life? i think i shall. btw, i watched 25th hour, so its kinda like part of the movie if youve seen it. good movie. good actor, that edward norton guy...
-fuck people who are in love but fight nonstop.
-fuck people who fight nonstop and call it love REGARDLESS.
-fuck happy people. happy people, you know who you are. ive got your number. seeing happy ppl just makes me feel worse by comparison. i cant stand it.
-fuck me, and ppl who cant stand their last 2 weeks before the rest of their lives thanks to their psychotic families. were all pitiful and need to pull it the fuck together. shape up or ship out, damnit.
-lastly, if u started reading this as my friend and now decide im too emotionally volatile for you to deal with, fuck you double.
its not safe inside. its not safe outside. nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. wat happened to "never give up, never surrender?" who CARES! i just want the next two weeks to fast forward n get me upstate to some new surroudings. (wait...no i dont, i dont wanna miss a minute with my friends). again, confusion/indecision/anxiety.
im standing on a line. on this side is my ranting obscenities online. take one step and im on the other side and i start writing depressing poetry. please dont let me start writing poetry. FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS WRITE POETRY. LOOK AT ME. IM NO FUCKIN POET. THROW ME A LIFE PRESERVER HERE PEOPLE. |
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| another friendly reminder |
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| 01:47pm 21/05/2003 |
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this a just another friendly reminder to those of you who STILL dont know that im on XANGA now.
so...heres where u can go to get your daily fix of joshisms...
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Josh_Kicks_Things
its very easy. copy that line. paste it into the web bar. click it.
then be amazed at how you even managed to survive a week without my random insanity =D
laaaaaters people... |
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| umm...for those of you who dont know yet: |
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| 12:39pm 01/02/2003 |
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i no longer use livejournal! mebbe u couldve all taken the hint!
ok, for those of u who just thought i stopped posting, im sorry. i apologize. i realllly am sorry bout that. even tho no one read what i wrote anyway. but moving right along...
new website:
http://www.xanga.com/home.asp?user=josh_kicks_things
copy it. paste it. save it as ur favorite. my xanga site. ur one stop shop for ur daily josh related ramblings.
enjoy. |
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| my slightly psychotic monday |
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| 03:13pm 13/01/2003 |
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mood:  amused music: Rufio- In My Eyes
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convo between me n shari, after homework stuffs:
BkLyNbAbY726: i need a AA battery but im too lazy to go get it
OstrichesCntFly: u run on AA batteries?
OstrichesCntFly: coolness...
its good to kno im not the ONLY crazy one around here...
anyway, my legs still hurt from taekwondo on friday. but the pain is going away so i think ill be going back tomorro to hit the bag for a few hrs. i hope to be fighting again within the next 2 weeks. ive already seen a change in my personality, return the workout--> return my sanity. happy josh is baaaaaaack!
to confirm the suspicions around my recent downloading spree, YES, its TRUE. ive downloaded at least 50 mp3's since new yrs. ive downloaded more music in the last 13 days than i downloaded all of last year! wow...thats pretty pitiful now that i look at it...but on the bright side, i have music!
with the return of the TKD training tho, brings the return of the ab training. i was starting to skip ab workout days over the last 2 weeks or so. bad bad joshy...but now im starting again, with a vengeance. and ill be eating healthier too, as soon as i finish the half gallon of haagen-dazs chocolate in my fridge! muaahahahahahaha! (jk...i hope...pleeeeez dont taunt me with ice cream!).
and to lauren regula, no im NOT anorexic. i actually eat plenty. more than plenty. enuf food to even make a jewish grandmother sick. again, i dont have a disorder. im just concerned. i refuse to gain 20lbs when i go to college. that, and i wanna look good for once in my life before i blow it all eating pizza every day for 4 yrs. im gonna go from sexy elvis to fat elvis. and we all kno that no one liked fat elvis. on the bright side, if i start to look like ANY elvis, i can just move out to las vegas with my fellow king look-a-likes...
ive also started a contract-killing pool in weight training. no, its not wat u think...
ive gotten 5 ppl to agree that if i ever look like the poster on the wall, that they should kill me.
quickly, but violently. liiiiike...hockey stick to the skull violently. i kno my legs r strong, but DAMN, if i EVER look like that...i should hang myself. theres a point at which lifting weights no longer makes u look or feel better. u started by trying to fit into an older (smaller) pair of jeans. a few months goes by, the inches are shed, and ur thinner. then u start bulking up and before ya kno it....AAAAHHHH!!! youve got 25 inch thighs! SOLID thighs! ppl think ur a MUTANT!
well i AM a mutant, but wateva... |
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| back to the karate school |
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| 12:25pm 11/01/2003 |
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so last night was my first night back doing taekwondo since the end of june...
oooo it feels great to be back! correction...*felt* great. now its lunchtime the day after, i just woke up, and im in paaaain. good pain tho. i feel ALIIIIIVE! well everyone misses me, everyone wanted to see the scar, appropriately named "ross", and everyone wanted to see how drunk i'd look when i first start again.
well after 2 hrs of class, i was still going strong w/o the asthma meds (so i guess the allergy shots helped). the knee is still attached, n the leg doesnt hurt that much. still got the technique, a little sloppy, but better than i expected.
in other news, they put up mirrors on the far wall in the school. i give it a month before someone gets kicked into them, n they break. looks good for the moment tho. in the meantime, theyd been remodeling since the summer. new wood panels, new pain, patched the foot-holes in the walls. redoing the front lobby + offices. looks pretty good.
so today, im relaxing / recovering. doing homework. prolly gonna find somethin to do later, much later. got a few papers to at least start, and scholarship essays to start too. blech.
o, and lastly, i kno i said i was gonna learn to play hook, by blues traveler yesterday. didnt quite work out. too many bar chords to make sense of, cuz my retarded fingers dont work like that. ill settle for just knowin all the confusing lyrics for the moment. |
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| music downloads control my life |
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| 06:38pm 09/01/2003 |
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mood:  accomplished music: Blues Traveler - Hook
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so ive downloaded more music in the last 10 days than i have since last june. sue me. today's goal is to dl at least 5 blues traveler mp3s. favorite by far, hook. also one of scott's favorites. coincidence? methinks not. fassssst lyrics, gotta love it. gotta love ma home boy on the harmonica too...
and now, the much awaited lyrics...
Hook
It doesn't matter what I say
So long as I sing with inflection
That makes you feel that I'll convey
Some inner truth of vast reflection
But I've said nothing so far
And I can keep it up for as long as it takes
And it don't matter who you are
If I'm doing my job then it's your resolve that breaks
Because the hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
There is something amiss
I am being insincere
In fact I don't mean any of this
Still my confession draws you near
To confuse the issue I refer
To familiar heroes from long ago
No matter how much Peter loved her
What made the Pan refuse to grow
Was that the hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook brings you back
On that you can rely
---Now THIS is the good part...---
Suck it in suck it in suck it in
If you're Rin Tin Tin or Anne Boleyn
Make a desperate move or else you'll win
And then begin
To see
What you're doing to me this MTV is not for free
It's so PC it's killing me
So desperately I sing to thee
Of love
Sure but also rage and hate and pain and fear of self
And I can't keep these feelings on the shelf
I've tried well no in fact I lied
Could be financial suicide but I've got too much pride inside
To hide or slide
I'll do as I'll decide and let it ride until I've died
And only then shall I abide this tide
Of catchy little tunes
Of hip three minute ditties
I wanna bust all your balloons
I wanna burn all of your cities
To the ground I've found
I will not mess around
Unless I play then hey
I will go on all day hear what I say
I have a prayer to pray
That's really all this was
And when I'm feeling stuck and need a buck
I don't rely on luck because...
The hook brings you back
I ain't tellin' you no lie
The hook...
On that you can rely |
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| new icon? |
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| 02:04pm 08/01/2003 |
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thanks to ross, ive got a new icon- the porn* cat.
yup, thats my kitten. sleeping like...a human. a drunk, dying human.
he says "yes, im soooo sexy. rub my tummy or leave me alone..."
so...yea. rub my tummy, or leave me alone. =p |
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| Great minds think alike, or all great minds copy MINE? |
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| 12:12pm 08/01/2003 |
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so apparently, im the THIRD person (according to shari) who posted those simple plan lyrics. well the hell with em.
in other news, i wanted to go see simple plan during regents week. mom ok'd it, dad veto'd it, cuz its "too late at night to be coming home from manhattan". blech. evil parents. they dont get it.
today. it snowed. excuse me? did i SAY it was ok for it to snow? i dont remember ok-ing snow. or ice. especially black ice. someone is going over my head n giving orders for bad weather. dont you ppl kno im the KING (also, according to shari). dont i have say over where n when i get to slip n break my neck on the pavement? well i guess not.
in girl- news, life continues to confound itself. cant get out to hollis on friday, cant get out to LI over the weekend. the LI-ers are coming in SUNDAY, but im gonna be seeing a play w/ my cousins then, so again, bad timing in general. blech.
in usy news. the king is being left outa the loop. nuff said. i dunno wats going on in my own chapter anymore, cuz the entire board is insaaaaaane with the exception of mebbe...betty. shes as sane as they come. shari and the anti-shari's, u ask? yeah, theyre alllll craaaaaazay. o, and eric, yeah, hes off by himself, totally neutral. but yes, hes crazy too.
i said a hip hop the hippie the hippie
to the hip hip hop, a you dont stop
the rock it to the bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie
to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat
-rapper's delight. good song when ur dead tiiiired.
i guess that makes ME crazy too. o well, no surprise there, rite? |
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| Slightly happier song lyrics |
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| 07:21pm 07/01/2003 |
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mood:  hungry music: Simple Plan- Id Do Anything
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"I'd Do Anything"
Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting
And I wrote this letter in my head
'Cuz so many thing were left unsaid
But now you're gone
And I can't think straight
This could be the one last chance
To make you understand
I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'Cuz I know
I won't forget you
Together we broke all the rules
Dreaming of dropping out of school
And leave this place
To never come back
So now maybe after all these years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting
This could be the one last chance to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again
I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep
I can't forget you
Nanana (....)
And I'd do anything for you
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
'Cuz I know
I won't forget you |
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| Damn...time to sing some depressing shit... |
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| 09:43pm 06/01/2003 |
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mood:  depressed music: Stonesour- Bother
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so, shari's gotten everyone all depressed with her. so i found some depressing songs to sing along to...
i dunno, i *think* this song is suicidally depressing. yeah, it fits the mood. hope ya all like it as much as i do...
*gag*
"Bother"
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries
And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit |
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| Saturday morning, and where is Joshy? |
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| 12:49pm 04/01/2003 |
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mood:  bored music: Linkin Park (Hybrid Theory EP)- Carousel / Part of Me
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Joshy is home. recovering. doing homework.
firstly, i didnt kno there was a hybrid theory EP. like 6 tracks i never heard, downloaded em, love em. yummmmy linkin park. and apparently their drummer is jewish. kick ass...
anyway, i left the most boringest monotonous shit to do today- my AP stat homework. i should also start my government paper n mebbe actually do something for debate class...(note to self...email marilyn n thomas the debate notes, cuz g-d forbid they copy their own shit!)
so last night...
went to see scott wrestle at st edmunds. the whole team was pretty pitiful. good technique, but weaaakkk. its agreed by all. they need to weight train, or die. imma work with scott on new moves, some secret taekwondo shit thatll prolly kill whoever he uses it on. muahahahahahahha.
after that, went to trio, ordered some food, sat n ate quietly for a while. its now pouring, but i decide that since im halfway to TSF, i may as well go. o, btw, im all dressed up while im watchin the wrestling match, n i got my leather trench coat on. thats rite. the very same SEXY leather trenchcoat that makes me look crazy.
so i get to TSF like 30 minutes early. the bus usually takes 45 minutes, but since no one was waiting by the stops last night, i got to mill basin in 15. bang on the door, custodian lets me in. i chill. hang out w/ mark n the custodian. then everyone gets there n the party begins. giller came back to visit for the alumni service, still the same giller. some things never change.
apparently i now have my own scandal with the allie sitch...altho not much happened. and who dubbed it a scandal? nvrmind **EDIT**...and garrett cares too. garrett has his own list of questions to ask, none of which i feel like answering. his chest hair scares little children and scares me as well. he also decided (without us asking) to tell us his muscle building formula- protein supplements, eating lotsa eggs, mebbe some creatine (i think a lil bit of steroids here n there). basically, eat as much high-protein disgusting food as u can find, and work out like a mad man. kinda like i do on my abs, just he does it on the rest of his body. quite sickening. shoshi thinks giller n i have muscle envy. nope, says i. HE has intellect envy. muahahaahhaaaahha. big ups to geniuses. or...quasi-retarded geniuses like myself.
so anyway, ruah officially BLEW. thats like the opposite of SUCKED, but still worse. 8 of us. we sounded dead. ppl's voices were cracking...no one wanted to be there. the 8 or 10 adults who stayed to watch us sing, they coulda cared less wat we did, they werent interested at all anyway. so annnnyway, take my cab home, gets there on time for the first time in...ages. i get home, shower, n go online till 1am. scott wanted me to run over to geoff's house at midnight. in the rain. no. not happenin. so i chill with my cats, download some music, and took a nice long 11 hr nap. and now its saturday. and alas, nothing to do but HOMEWORK. |
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ostrichescntfly's journal